Best? Fuck, that's vague. I guess you mean happiest, and when I think of happy, I think of laughing, and when I think of laughing, I think of my sister's kids. There're two girls an' a boy, an' they're so fuckin' cute it's unbelievable. I'm crazy Uncle Reno to them, an' they love comin' to see me 'cause they know I've got a box of toys set aside for them to play with an' the best videogames (though I've gotta hide the really good ones, 'cause they ain't for kids) an' that I'll spoil 'em rotten. Prob'ly one've the best times I've ever had is the last time Laetia dropped 'em off with me, like she does once in a while. I played with 'em for most've the morning in my apartment, an' then we took a taxi over to the next sector an' saw a goofy-ass kids' movie that they all loved. I bought 'em ice cream next an'--Christ, but I can't believe how cliche this is--took 'em to the park for a few hours an' watched them tire themselves out climbin' around and screaming and playing. Then they came back home with me, an' I put Audrey and Miriam to bed in the one little extra room that my place has got, an' Mose--the littlest--fell asleep in my lap watching cartoons. It was a good day right up til their ma showed up late that night to get 'em an' I watched their cab drive off down the street, Laetia and her three sleeping kids inside. Fuck me, but I'm a softy for those kids.
Who would you like to see get their final comeuppance? Who is it and just what would you do with them?
HEIDIGGER. Give him an assload of papercuts, then hang him from a ceiling by his ankles with some barbed wire, an' keep dunking him into a huge fucking lake of lemon juice.
Really, if I could, I might just shoot him. Dickhead.
What do you have to be thankful for?
Control over my own life; I know it prob'ly doesn't seem like I've got much control--ShinRa Inc's got most of it--but it's a helluva lot more than I used to have. My family; we don't show it real well, but we care about each other. Not being dirt-poor, so I guess my job. My health?
What do you want for your birthday?
Fuck, I dunno. I like booze, I like women, an' I like it when my bike actually runs, so any combination of that works great. Thanks for askin', Doc; it's nice of you to get me somethin'. You know what you could do? Get my bike fixed an' then sit on it--naked--while it's running, with a bottle've Dragon's Breath vodka. That'd be perfect, thanks.
What are your religious beliefs (and if you are a deity, do you enjoy being worshipped)?
Hahaha, what the fuck? I don't think I'm a god, lady; I'm crazy, but I ain't nowhere near that far gone yet. But anyway, religious beliefs? Huh, that's funny, I could've sworn I answered this question before... Oh, right, I DID. Here it is: "do you believe in an afterlife?" Here's what I said: "Oh, hell, I don't know. Some deeply buried logical part of me is screaming no, an' an even better-hidden idealist part is screaming yes. Then, of course, there's the self-preservation instinct screaming a big fat "I fucking hope not!". If there is an afterlife, I'm goin' straight to Hell, do not pass Go, do not collect 200 gil.
When I was a kid, my ma did what she had to to keep me'n my brothers an' sisters fed. That didn't mean she didn't have any morals; she was damn religious. Went to that church in Sector 5 all the time right up til she lost it; dragged us, too, when she could. My brother and sister still take her every Sunday to this day; they're three of maybe eleven or twelve parishioners. Religion ain't too popular in Midgar these days; it doesn't put food on the table or a roof over anybody's head.
Anyway, I sneered at organized religion at the time, 'cause I thought I was the biggest badass on the face of the Planet, but I can't say all those years of being surrounded by believers didn't have any impact on me. And I don't like to think of all the people I've known over the years who've died, just being...well, dead.
Fuck it. It's just easier not to think 'bout it."
That's pretty much where I stand. I was talkin' to Tseng about that kind've shit one day--don't even ask where it came from; I still have no fuckin' clue--an' he said I'm an agnostic. I guess it's somebody who doesn't really know what to believe, which sounds about right to me.
Do you believe the possibility of a true friendship between a man and a woman?
Not unless the guy's gay. I don't know a single straight guy who's real, good friends with a girl; sooner or later, somebody likes somebody more'n friends and then they fuck and then it's all over.