Reno Alastare (pass_the_vodka) wrote,
Reno Alastare
pass_the_vodka

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childhood memories.

Describe your funniest childhood memory.
You've got balls to ask me that, Doc.

I wasn't home that much; spent the days pullin' jobs with the Dig boys an' the nights workin'. When I was home, though, me'n my brother Kimael were pretty inseparable; he followed me around an' I pretended like I hated it. We were pure evil on wheels; the entire fuckin' apartment complex hated our guts 'cause we did a pretty good job've terrorizing all the ones that you could terrorize without bein' shot at. When I was 17 an' Kim was 13, some goddamn stupid man with too much money on his hands decided that he wanted to help "the poor children in the slums", an' that the best way to do it would be to--get this--rebuild the public pool that we used to have in Sector 2. There had been one back when we were younger, built by another wannabe mother to the world, an' it had gone bust fairly quick, after one summer. People had constantly broken into it, pissed, done all kinds've shit. So, instead of providin' better schools, clothes, methadone clinics, hospitals, food pantries, or anything useful, the pool got rebuilt, with even better security and cleaner water an' the whole nine yards.

We decided, Kimael an' me, that we were gonna be badass and sneak into the pool afterhours, late at night, when it was dark an' closed an' the gates were locked against Sector 2. So we did, one night that I made sure to get off from work early.

There was a lot've security an' shit, but they really hadn't been countin' on the determination--and small-for-our-age size--of two teenage boys. Plus, it didn't hurt that, at the time, I was doin' pretty good business as a cat burglar with the Digs. We got in pretty easy; just had to pick some locks, jump a few fences, an' climb a roof. I was all for just takin' off my shoes an' shirt an' jumpin' in--an' I did--, but Kim decided that he wanted to go a step further--he wanted to go naked. So he did. We swam for five minutes or so. Then, right when I got out've the water to jump back in, out've nowhere, all the floodlights came up, an' we heard voices. There was nowhere to hide an' not even enough time for Kim to get out've the water, when a bunch've girls roughly his age came out onto the pooldeck. Apparently, somebody's boyfriend's father ran the pool, an' had given them permission to come in an' have the place to themselves.

They were a little surprised to see us, at first, but we knew a bunch've 'em from our apartment complex, so we knew we weren't gonna get into any shit over it. What got funny was when the girls realized that Kim had no clothes on. He wouldn't get out've the pool an' they all thought it was fuckin' hilarious an' started gettin' into the water to make him uncomfortable. An' so he's tryin' to swim an' cover himself at at the same time an' he's yellin' for me to throw him his goddamn pants, an' I'm just sitting on the side of the pool with my feet in the water, laughing my ass off. Eventually, he had to get out've the water to get his clothes--'cause I was havin' way too much fun crackin' up at him to get 'em--, an' he did, swearin' viciously at me the whole time. Naturally, the girls all caught an eyeful, an' of course, he'd been in the water an' he was cold an' aware that everyone was starin' at him, so the shinkage was brutal.

I'm not sure I've ever laughed so hard in my life as I did that night. Except for maybe the years afterward that the girls in our apartment building tortured Kim, teasin' him 'bout the size of his dick. It prob'ly wouldn't of been nearly so funny if he hadn't gotten so embarrassed an' so pissed whenever the subject came up; his face turned this amazin' color of red that I didn't think was possible in humans. I'd snicker, an' he'd get even madder an' attack me in some way, an' we'd wrestle or do somethin' equally stupid, which was always funny to me an' annoying to him.

The last time I saw Kimael, two years ago, he was on the other side of unbreakable glass, talkin' to me over a crackly phone, an I couldn't resist bringin' up the pool. I found out that, four years later, it still pisses him off. I can remember when that would've been hilarious, but now when I think of it, all I can see is Kim with his shaved head an' his orange jumpsuit an' his desperation, an' suddenly, it ain't funny anymore.
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